Over 85% of India’s population still recognizes arranged marriages. When a man is ready to wed the family makes this announcement and proposals start coming in – “pouring in” – if you are lucky. They come from within your caste of course and include all the pertinent facts – age, height, cooking and cleaning ability, along with your blood line and the oh-so-coveted picture. The parents review the applicants, select those of interest and take them to the family astrologer to determine the acceptability of the match. Family, often the sister and brother, will interview the girl and her family and make the decision about acceptability. If accepted, the astrologer then determines the best date for the marriage during wedding season and plans begin. Because they do not want a long engagement the date can be within the month, or almost a year.

With that said, our guide shared the story of his arranged marriage……

One important criteria for him was height – the couple should match and be able to join intimately by comfort of size. He was looking for someone 5’5, or close. When he told friends about the woman selected to be his bride, they told him he would not be happy – she was too short. He was confused because the ‘resume’ noted her at 5’5″. This concern was taken back to the bride-to-be father, who insisted, no she was that tall – then conceded she might be 5’4″. The groom determined he must see her for himself, so arranged a 1/2 meeting in her home. When she entered the room, wearing the long traditional sari, she immediately sat down. Although he got but a brief glimpse at her standing, he was confident she was acceptable, at approximately 5’2″. Her father grudgingly acknowledged she was most likely closer to 5’2″. The wedding plans moved forward.

Several days after the wedding, when he was now alone with his barefooted wife, he said to her, “I am confused – you do appear to be 5’2″. Why would your father not tell the truth?”. With deeply innocent eyes and expression she responded, “my father told you I am 5’2″?  I am only 4’10”, but when out in public, I wear heels to seem larger. If you are unhappy with me, what shall we do? “. Being the honorable man that he is,  he said “we will do nothing. I will accept you as you are”.

To us, he said, “What could I do?  There is nothing to do but accept my fate.”

*Written by Susan Kelly